Please check my sentence





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The causes of the downtime were the switches added in our Network by the Core. They installed network connection for those rooms and workstations that don’t have a connection to be used by our client visitors for the Nite Week. Since they added those last night the server needs to restart.






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    The causes of the downtime were the switches added in our Network by the Core. They installed network connection for those rooms and workstations that don’t have a connection to be used by our client visitors for the Nite Week. Since they added those last night the server needs to restart.






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      The causes of the downtime were the switches added in our Network by the Core. They installed network connection for those rooms and workstations that don’t have a connection to be used by our client visitors for the Nite Week. Since they added those last night the server needs to restart.






      grammaticality sentence-structure







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      The causes of the downtime were the switches added in our Network by the Core. They installed network connection for those rooms and workstations that don’t have a connection to be used by our client visitors for the Nite Week. Since they added those last night the server needs to restart.






      grammaticality sentence-structure




      grammaticality sentence-structure






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          This was kind of hard to read for me. There is a lot of passive voice. I would try rewriting it in a way that conveys the idea more clearly, such as:



          Last night, the Core added switches to the Network, which caused the downtime we experienced. They installed network connection for those rooms and workstations that did not previously have a connection so our client visitors can use them for the Nite Week. Because those switches were added, the server must be restarted.






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            This was kind of hard to read for me. There is a lot of passive voice. I would try rewriting it in a way that conveys the idea more clearly, such as:



            Last night, the Core added switches to the Network, which caused the downtime we experienced. They installed network connection for those rooms and workstations that did not previously have a connection so our client visitors can use them for the Nite Week. Because those switches were added, the server must be restarted.






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              This was kind of hard to read for me. There is a lot of passive voice. I would try rewriting it in a way that conveys the idea more clearly, such as:



              Last night, the Core added switches to the Network, which caused the downtime we experienced. They installed network connection for those rooms and workstations that did not previously have a connection so our client visitors can use them for the Nite Week. Because those switches were added, the server must be restarted.






              share|improve this answer








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                This was kind of hard to read for me. There is a lot of passive voice. I would try rewriting it in a way that conveys the idea more clearly, such as:



                Last night, the Core added switches to the Network, which caused the downtime we experienced. They installed network connection for those rooms and workstations that did not previously have a connection so our client visitors can use them for the Nite Week. Because those switches were added, the server must be restarted.






                share|improve this answer








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                This was kind of hard to read for me. There is a lot of passive voice. I would try rewriting it in a way that conveys the idea more clearly, such as:



                Last night, the Core added switches to the Network, which caused the downtime we experienced. They installed network connection for those rooms and workstations that did not previously have a connection so our client visitors can use them for the Nite Week. Because those switches were added, the server must be restarted.







                share|improve this answer








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                answered 22 mins ago









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