Qfyilyi

Do nothing unless you feel you've caused offence.

Sounds like you're just a bit of a stoic, hard-to-read character. Sometimes this comes in handy. Sure, it could make people uncomfortable, but so can being a bubbly, fun-loving socialite like me.....

Any good manager or business owner will recognise the value of having different types (or levels) of personality around. Be the best indifferent robot you can be, and when the time comes that a rational, poker-faced Vulcan is exactly what they need, you'll be the one they call. Like a less seasonal Rudolph.

As far as I'm concerned, you did nothing wrong. You acted professionally and responsibly in front of your boss. What did he want you to do? Get up and scream?

Should I apologize for being perceived as indifferent? E.g:
'Hey Boss, I want to apologize if I seemed a bit indifferent the other day. I am very thankful for the raise.'

I would recommend leaving this out as you shouldn't apologise for your reaction. Plus you don't really want to give it away that you and your manager were talking about it.

Should I aplogize for being indifferent / not having strong emotions? E.g:
'Hey Boss, I want to aplogize if I am reacting a bit too collected sometimes. I just wanted to show my gratitude again for the praise and the raise.'

No, you can't apologise for being yourself. Obviously everyone would be happy with a raise, everyone has different ways of showing it. Some people don't show it at all but it doesn't mean they're not happy.

Should I just thank him again, without mentioning the indifference issue? E.g:
'Hey Boss, I just wanted to thank you again for the raise.' - Would this seem weird and 'out of the blue'?

This would be good being done by a simple e-mail this will benefit you massively showing that you fully appreciate the raise.

Should I just let it slide and not mention it again?

I would mention it, but only make a small deal of it then once sorted don't bring it up again after the first time.

If you and your manager are somewhat close, you can approach him at any time and say something like this:

I was thinking about the other day when you told me the boss perceived
me as indifferent. Perhaps next time the two of you talk, if you feel
it would be appropriate, you could mention I said in passing that I
was really satisfied with the meeting. It's just that I'm a little
[shy|quiet|introvert|serious|stoic] by nature, you know.

(Of course, feel free to pick a more suitable adjective.)

If you've been working with him for any relevant amount of time, which you apparently have, chances are he will know - in fact I believe he probably understands you fully and have already responded to your boss along these lines during their conversation.

One of my main weaknesses is the same as you, I often come across as indifferent / uncaring.

So far I've learned it is not in my best interest to try and act emotional when I don't feel it.

As such, I would not suggest trying to give a new "spontaneous" grateful response.

It will just come across as hollow when you don't convey the same emotions spontaneously.

More often than not, I simply make sure that my gratitude is known, and to shortly explain my indifferent response, in a tone that is consistent with my work demeanor.

For example, I would send an email as such:

I'd like to take this opportunity to thank you for my recent raise. I realize I can often come across as indifferent, but this does not mean I am ungrateful. In fact, I greatly appreciate that my work is recognized and rewarded.

When everyone knows what to expect of each-other, I find working together is so much easier.

And this includes recognizing each-others tone.

Just don't start apologizing for who you are.

Indifference of itself isn't an issue - it's when it doesn't match the other person's expectations that there may be problems.

In your case it seems your response didn't meet your boss's expectations. Whether you would be best served by apologising depends on the reasons your boss expected something different.

Whatever employers tell you they don't give people raises out of the kindness of their hearts, and even the idea that you deserve a raise is double-edged to an employer. You would deserve a raise because the work you're contributing to the company is more valuable to them than they're currently compensating, and possibly also because they know your current pay is lower than the going market rate for the work you're doing. The idea that a specific meeting was set up (rather than the idea coming up at annual appraisal) makes this more likely.

It might just be a personal quirk, but from your description of your bosses response it's possible that he already thought you were underpaid for your work, and hoped the raise would make this less of an issue. By responding unemotionally, your boss might have inferred that you had been hoping for more.

I wouldn't suggest apologising, but if you're completely happy with the raise, you could convey this to your manager, who would pass that on to the boss.

Alternatively, if you had been hoping for more it sounds like your boss has been left with an accurate impression of your thoughts. This could be useful to you as well as to him.

I have made similar mistakes in the past. What is done is done. People often do not really want to hear what you truly feel, they just want to hear something nice.

What I have learnt is that often a white lie does not hurt anybody and works well.

Next time something similar happens, try to say something in the line of "I am very happy it happened, was wishing for that but it was unexpected and it surprised me in a nice way".

In the past I was honestly brutal with people, and it did not help me. Over time I learnt to fake or hide it, and some very minor things even started coming naturally after repeating them for a while.

IMO, I would not try to remember them of what happened. Call it a day, and consider yourself lucky getting feedback on that, it was a learned lesson. Try better next time.

PS I for the chosen answer, I might do it if I run in the boss by chance. But I would not go out of my way asking to speak with him just for that. It might be much more effective "coming out naturally" from your mouth, than via email.